Lying in by bed, it's twelve something and I'm still not asleep. I'm talking to my mother who is in the computer room next to my bedroom, trying to get the viruses off of that damn thing.
If we do not have off of school tomorrow, I'm screwed, because I did not do any of my homework. But honestly, it doesn't really matter. I didn't do math problems. I didn't revise a Spanish essay. I didn't do this. I didn't do that. To be frank, I don't give a shit. The only thing that really matters to me is vocabulary, because it's something that I want to build.
I am in the process of trying to heal myself. To bring myself to an emotional and physical equillibrium in order to relieve my anxieties and any troubles I might be facing. I have been smoking again recently, only a few times, cigarettes that is. Sometimes I get so sick of it, I only take two/ three drags and I throw it out. Just to get that feeling of relief. But it really isn't worth it in the long run, or the short run either. It will kill me in yoga. And I do mean kill. It hurts my singing, not getting an adequate amount of breath. And it slows you down, clogs the oxygen in your veins, so it's harder for the blood/ oxygen to get to your muscles when say, you're walking up stairs (which as a high-schooler, I must do every day).
But, they are addictive.
However, once I start this work study program at yoga this Sunday, there will be no more of that. I will be doing yoga way too often. And for me to try and pull myself back by smoking a cigarette would just be silly.
I think I'm going to watch "Topper Returns"* and go to bed.
*an old film from the very early 1940s starring Billie Burke (Glynda the Good Witch of the North in The Wizard of Oz) , Roland Young, Joan Blondell. The first two Toppers starred the same actors, minus Blondell, and had the famous names such as Carry Grant and Constance Bennett. They're great films and I recommend them to anyone who appreciates good comedy, humor, and the beauty of old cinema.
Goodnight, or rather Good Morning.
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2 comments:
i don't think my comment saved. =\
but anyway.
smoking is bad for you dear
but yoga on the other hand is quite spiffy
[hopefully this will actually post, and if the other one posted, i apologize for the repeat]
xoxo Tori
AJ- I'm proud of you. Though you, at times let addiction seak ravick in your body, you seem to step out of yourself and become the critic. Not many can do that. Also, you try to be a better person; you try harder than anyone I know. Thus I am proud of you AND quite jealous, in good way, of course.
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