Day 1

Yesterday was Day 1 of the 60 day challenge that Bikram Yoga Hampden is having.

I started out the day with a strawberry-banana hemp protein shake. Then, went to school and took my 9:00AM English class and my 10:00AM Sociology class. At the conclusion of my 10:00AM Sociology class, at 10:50AM, I headed for Bikram Yoga Annapolis for Advanced Class. Emily just returned from another coaching session with Mary out in San Fransisco. Emily showed me how to backward bend down the wall properly so that I do not hurt my lower back (I had been showed before but I must have forgotten because my lower back had been hurting). Anyway, yesterday was my first day back from a two day hiatus. By the time we got to the "full series" of Advanced class, my body had pretty much opened up. I practiced full wheel many many times and I am getting closer to touching the floor with my hands in prayer and getting closer to grabbing my ankles.

After Advanced in Annapolis, I went home and ate a whole bag of vegan chicken tenders with tobasco sauce, then ate a vegan meatloaf frozen dinner... I was hungry...

Then I did some homework and went to Lynne's 7PM. It was a packed class. I love seeing packed 7PM classes. I locked both my legs out in standing bow, which is good... have to get ready for L.A.

When I came home, I spoke with my friend on iChat briefly and made a smoothie. I took the juice from one big orange and one lemon and put it in a blender (approximately one cup of juice all together). Then took five strawberries and put it all in the Montell William's food emulsifying blender along with a cup of ice and 1/2 cup of water and BAM, a delicious post-yoga drink.

I have made a vow that by then end of the 60 day challenge, I will have full wheel pose... The 60 day challenge will be over on April 1st.

Here's to reaching new feats, yogis! And transforming our bodies and minds once again!

10 minutes until my first Sociology class of the semester

and I'm sitting in the cafeteria listening to Stevie Nicks. The songstress I turn to when in need. She has been the number one musician who has helped me throughout my teens. Every song of hers is a poem that she takes from her journal. She is the one who initially planted the idea of starting a journal in my head.

Thrown down through the arms of sleep
She fell through the ivory morning
Deep into the waters
Of the one she called love
She paled in the wake
Of what some call a dream
But, you cannot know a dream
Till you've known the nightmare

When I stood with you against the storm
And I tried once again
Well, I said, "I'd like to leave you
With something warm"
How many times
Drowning in the sea
Drowning
That was when the dream took her prisoner
And she knew the dream was over
But, the nightmare was not over
Still some call that a dream
The nightmare...the nightmare

Well, you cannot know a dream
When you turn away
You don't know
You'll never care
The night is not your friend
And you have not had her
And when the nightmare ends
But, you never understand
When you're gone
She wakes up calling out
Oh, calling out
As children may cry as she will

Anytime...oh, anywhere
Blinded by the light of the day
She has known the nightmare

So about the moon and her sisters
How dare he take them prisoner
Well, if she had flung out her heart against him
Then in all of her wisdom
Oh, well that was a mystery

That was when the dream took her prisoner
And she knew the dream was over
But the nightmare was not over
Somewhere in her ancient ways
She walks through the night
And then she tries to get through the day
Some will never know
Or share any kind of dream

The nightmare
This is not the world
This is not the world
This is not the world
The nightmare
She wants him to fight...anytime, anywhere
She wants him to stand up
She wants him to win
This is not the world
This is not the world
This is not the real world
Blinded by the light of the day
Blinded by the light
She was blinded by the light of the day
Blinded by the day

I have to go now to class. This post was quite pointless. What can you do?

Here we are

These past few days, I guess, I have been very lost. You could describe it as 'sadness,' I suppose. I don't know. I just got back from a walk and I was thinking to myself, maybe it's because I am lonely. I have noticed that when I am not around people, my mind starts to wander. When I am not occupied, I get very anxious. The idea of school also gets me anxious. They only thing that makes me feel good is exercise, art, and sleep.

But now that school is in the mix, I don't know what is going to work. I am going to have to get myself into some kind of routine. Something to make me feel safe again.

Getting ready for hell

I will wake up this morning and it will be Wednesday.

Chem Lecture- 9:00AM to 9:50AM

Science Seminar- 12:00PM to 12:50PM

Chemistry Lab- 1:00PM to 3:50PM

Biology Lab- 6:00PM to 8:50PM

I am already feeling overwhelmed.

It's very easy to feel bombarded with all of this work. All of the deadlines they give you. And it's very easy to get anxious about what hasn't happened yet. "Am I going to understand what they talk about?" "How long am I going to have to study?" "Will I have time to do my other homework if I have to take extra time to study?" "Why can't I understand these concepts and other people can?"

I feel this overwhelming pressure now that I am paying for school. I just want to do the best that I can. And I'm not settling for less or second best.

My only trouble now is trying to find out how to not settle for second best while not feeling overwhelmed.

I can do it, it'll just take some time. But it's this feeling, this anxious feeling in my chest, in my gut, and in my head that makes me feel like I'm going insane.

So now I would like to say a prayer to the air, asking to give me all the strength it can to get me through this Wednesday.

Goodnight.

Do it to Me

I uploaded a new song on my band's myspace. It's called "Do it to Me." It's a song I wrote about certain people who I've come across. Certain people who are afraid to express themselves and the fantasies they hold inside. I think Madonna said it best, "Some people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they never get what they want." I think that is an extremely true statement. If you can say what it is you want, then you will have no problem getting it. This is true not just in sexual fantasies, but in everyday life. Sometimes you have to say it out loud.

I had my friend Maddie team up with me and harmonize on the track. The harmonies are very cool on the line "a republican, no chance of going to hell." It sounds very Simon & Garfunkel-esk. A very haunting harmony. But it fits the line very well.

Some people think that they can mask their fantasies inside by declaring themselves a Republican, or a Christian, or a masculine figure of some sort. For if they are one of the prior, they could not possibly fantasize about the people of the same sex.

Do it to Me is about finding freedom inside you and not being afraid to explore your sexual desires. Living without boundaries.

The vocals on the track are a little shaky, but the underlying message is still there.

www.myspace.com/them2s

In the still of the night...

I am sitting down at my desk in my computer room. Everyone is so spread out. School starts for everyone tomorrow. I have been taking classes for the past week. I need to buy a binder for my seminar class... the only reason I just typed that is so that I'll remember tomorrow. I remember things better if I write them out.

I am listening to the song "How Still My Love" by Stevie Nicks. "Standing! in the doorway.. watching out to sea, calling out to me... You go your way! Go on! Get out! ......... But you won't forget me, ooh no, you don't forget me. Oh oh no, my lonely one."

I have listened to her since I was 14 years old. And what her songs meant to me then, do not mean the same things they mean to me now.

But school starts tomorrow for everyone. It's so weird. Everyone is so far apart. There was always this feeling of connectivity within me. It's strange, because that feeling has changed. Everyone is so far apart. I keep saying that because it's the only thing that I feel when I think of my friends. We are all so far apart.

I finished my chemistry homework. I am proud. I am exerting so much effort on this class and not enough on my biology class. This will come back to get me I know it. Oh well.

I am writing to you in the still of the night. When I should be asleep. No one is really reading this so it's fine that my thoughts all are jumbled up. Pieces here and pieces there.

I miss seeing the people that I liked everyday. I miss seeing the people that I didn't like everyday. There was that source of connectivity. I am reading Facebook statuses of those who are returning to High School. Most, if not all, saying how they are dreading it. But in reality, while High School is hell, it is something that brings a group of people together for five days a week. It's an excuse for the youth in society to come together.

Now that it is over for me, I can't help but look back at all the times I bitched about what a bad place it was... now I want to go back.

But that chapter is closed now and I am forced to move on. I'm sure I will feel the same way about college when it is over.

Who knows.

But for now it's just me, in the still of the night. With Ms. Stevie Nicks.

and I have to go to bed.

Here I say,

Goodnight cyber world

and thank you for listening once again.

Pre-College Jitters

I'm laying here in my bed typing this. In twelve hours I will have finished my first college class. I can't even imagine that. It's so hard to grasp. There are so many different things I wish to say right now.

At orientation I was really excited; there was so much energy around me. I think everyone could feel that everyone around them shared the same feelings. However, I don't think I am quite ready to say goodbye to the past 4 years. And while it may not be a "goodbye," it certainly is a conclusion of some sort. Everyone has already dispersed to their given school. And I am back here at home. Why did I choose it this way? I guess part of me still is very anxious and I can't get rid of that. But part of me feels that my work here is not done yet. I'm not done with this little spec of Maryland: Timonium. I am not done with it. I just have this feeling in my stomach that says I'm not done. I don't know why, I just have a feeling.

I have to go to bed and put an end to this rambling.

I haven't written on this thing in a long time. But I think that I am going to start at it again. Hello again, Heresay. Hello again.