Last night I feel out of love with all the people I thought I loved
I lost the spark

Nothing seems special anymore.

////

Give me your mind or give me your body
I care not for your ego,
but for your intellect
I know it's a different dialect
for you
To be speaking with someone
Who cares about more
than you

////

I don't want your ego
I just want your lips
Let the music move your body--
Move your hips
Get lost in the rhythm
Find yourself in my kiss

///

miscellaneous ideas that sprung into my head these past two days. for future poetic reference.

I met Nikki Giovanni tonight

I get so overwhelmed when I am about to write about big subjects such as these. For I have so much to write about.

She answered my question that I asked. I asked, "have you heard of the remarks Representative Sally Kern made?"... she said "no".... I said, "she said that homosexuals are more dangerous than terrorists" ... Nikki replied, "and where did you say this representative was from?"... I said, "Oklahoma"... and she said... "Oklahoma, huh?..... Oh, Oklahoma".... and everyone laughed. She went on to say that she was glad I brought that question up. She talked about Matthew Shepard, and how it's only a matter of time before Gays start waking up and start fighting for their Civil Rights. How there is a long history of injustice. The hate crimes, everything.

She addressed so much more as well. The Bush-Cheney administration. It was inspirational. She signed a copy of her book, which I bought. I am going to read it now, and then go to bed.

Goodnight.



Paul and I had a long conversation last night. We got to know each other more. The spark was growing. Although I've seen him in person only twice. And talked to him in person only once. There's a ray of light in this that I feel. Or maybe it's my imagination. I haven't decided whether I'm going to wait and see if he gets online tonight. If he does, I hope he IM's me first. That would make it all worth the while. All worth while.

Days 4 & 5

Day 4 was better. Marsha taught. I talked to her about her diet, what she eats, what she doesn't. She told me that she has "done it all". Cleansing, Vegan, Vegetarian, Macrobiotics, and so on and so on. She has to be in her 60s, but she has this glow about her that reminds me of a 20 year old. She is going to help me with my diet, eating habbits, and will provide suggestions. I'm really excited. She is a huge inspiration. When she came into class, I recognized the red string around her left wrist, signifying that she studies Kabbalah. I told her that I'm interested in longevity, youth, and prosperity. I want to get the most out of life. During tree pose, I saw progress as I went down with both hands in prayer, which I don't believe I've ever done with both legs. I'm happy for myself. It's great to see progress and to feel it, as well.

Day 5, today was rough. I had to go into sabasana during the warm-up, which is rare. I don't think I've ever done that, not even during my intro week. But I was tired, very. The little drama episode with Ria's mother got me all jazzed up and I think it wore me out. But that's alright, I gave it my best. Tomorrow will be better. You always leave that studio with more than you had. That's the beauty of it. I think I pulled something in my neck, while I was on the floor during cobra I believe, I cracked my neck, but I think I twisted my head too far, that's how I did it. I saw Eddie and Emily prior to class at Yamato. Talked about Madonna's new song '4 minutes'. Talked about head-voice, which Eddie and I talked more about prior to class. Ross taught today. I'm seeing progess in my body. I'm pleased. I left the studio feeling great, as opposed to when I went in; where I felt like complete shit.

Days 2 & 3

Day 2,

went to the 10 o'clock class. Emily taught. I wasn't as well as I was on Day 1, but I managed. After class I told Eddie about Madonna's new album Hard Candy. He seemed excited, as am I.



Day 3,

Today was rough, not as well as Day 2, and not nearly as well as Day 1. I think it was due to the lack of sleep I got. Mother woke me up early to go to church, which I was not pleased with. But I did take one of my 50.7 oz. waters with me, so that I could hydrate prior to my early class. There were only two today, on "Easter" Sunday. I also had a protein shake prior.

I did Work Study alone, Liz went to the first class, but couldn't attend the second, I suppose for family occasions, etc. I hope tomorrow I will be better, I will make sure I get plenty of rest.


I just finished a conversation with Griffin, online. I told him that I thought he seemed superficial. He handled that quite maturely, which I was suprised with. I was expecting him to fire back at me, but he didn't. He said he stopped being a vegetarian because he needed more protein, which to me is total crap. Debbie, a yoga teacher at the studio, is vegan and she has NO problem with her protein intake, and I guarantee you she does more strenuous exercise than Griffin has ever done in his life. But, if that's what he believes, then let him believe it.

He didn't seem to lose his touch, though. I was quite pleased with that. He still has the same belief system. Which I admire. He does not smoke anymore, which I am glad to hear. It will only make him a better person. However, he wants to play lacross, but will not be able to this season because he has torn something. After I mentioned my starting a 30-Day Challenge, he mentioned he wanted to take up either Bikram Yoga or Kickboxing. He's into fitness as well.

But it's funny, you know? Whenever I hear people say that they are doing sports, or strenuously working out, so that they can look better, have better performance, etc. It just makes me want to work out more. Which could be a good or bad thing. I don't consciously want to make it a competition, but in a way, that's how my mind works. It's not so I can necessarily go up to someone and say, "I'm better than you", but rather it is a great insentive to strive to look and feel better. And at the end of the day, you are the one who benefits from it.

It's just things like that (the Griffin-exercise thing), that make we want to take my fitness to an even higher level than it already is; to go that extra mile, to push myself.

I have more to write about this. I suppose I will write more tomorrow. Goodnight.

Day 1

I think I am going to attempt to begin a 30 day challenge.
If I decide to pursue this, today will have been my first day.
I attended the 6 o'clock class and Emily was teaching.

Ria and Andy came and watched me. Emily pushed me extra hard in front of them. I planned on sitting down through triangle and standing-head-to-knee, but because Ria and Andy were standing there, I did both postures, both sets. I was proud of myself. This was one of my best classes in a while. I am very very tired now though, and it's only 10:00.

I saw Donna doing work study, I've always seen her write her name down as "WS" but I've never seen her actually doing it. It was cool. She is one cool chick. I wish I had the nerve to say something to her. She's awesome in that room, completely focused and everything. I also want to know how old she is, hah. Just out of curiosity. And truthfully, the older-the better. I have more respect for people who are older and yet have great bodies, great discipline, and great hearts. She's very cool. She doesn't say much, which just adds to her mystery. Haha, I sound like such a nerd.

I ate a "raw" bar , white chocolate. It definatly tasted raw, but I'm hoping to eat healthier, even healthier than I do now; which in reality isn't that healthy.

I hope I can keep this up. I'm on Spring Break now, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal, because I will get the sleep I need. I'm just worried about once school starts. But, we shall see.

Goodnight.

I hope I can keep going with this. I am pretty sure I'll be able to

My throat hurts

Lying in by bed, it's twelve something and I'm still not asleep. I'm talking to my mother who is in the computer room next to my bedroom, trying to get the viruses off of that damn thing.

If we do not have off of school tomorrow, I'm screwed, because I did not do any of my homework. But honestly, it doesn't really matter. I didn't do math problems. I didn't revise a Spanish essay. I didn't do this. I didn't do that. To be frank, I don't give a shit. The only thing that really matters to me is vocabulary, because it's something that I want to build.

I am in the process of trying to heal myself. To bring myself to an emotional and physical equillibrium in order to relieve my anxieties and any troubles I might be facing. I have been smoking again recently, only a few times, cigarettes that is. Sometimes I get so sick of it, I only take two/ three drags and I throw it out. Just to get that feeling of relief. But it really isn't worth it in the long run, or the short run either. It will kill me in yoga. And I do mean kill. It hurts my singing, not getting an adequate amount of breath. And it slows you down, clogs the oxygen in your veins, so it's harder for the blood/ oxygen to get to your muscles when say, you're walking up stairs (which as a high-schooler, I must do every day).

But, they are addictive.


However, once I start this work study program at yoga this Sunday, there will be no more of that. I will be doing yoga way too often. And for me to try and pull myself back by smoking a cigarette would just be silly.

I think I'm going to watch "Topper Returns"* and go to bed.

*an old film from the very early 1940s starring Billie Burke (Glynda the Good Witch of the North in The Wizard of Oz) , Roland Young, Joan Blondell. The first two Toppers starred the same actors, minus Blondell, and had the famous names such as Carry Grant and Constance Bennett. They're great films and I recommend them to anyone who appreciates good comedy, humor, and the beauty of old cinema.

Goodnight, or rather Good Morning.

Winding Sound

There is this winding sound that the timer for the lamp is making right now. A slow winding sound. It always annoys me when I'm sitting down in the living room with nothing to do, maybe reading, staring at the ceiling, stretching, or what not. My poor dog has to live with this all day while she is home, sleeping.

I am watching CNN. People talking about politics.

I talk about politics a lot, but the truth is, I am still searching for where I stand, because I don't honestly know. I know where I stand on certain issues, but it is very hard to classify myself into one specific category. I do know however, that I, as well as Thomas Jefferson, do not believe that church should play any role in government. I think sometimes people forget that little tid-bit about our Constitution.

I guess I am a "Constitutionalist".

Yes, I am a Constitutionalist.

What Hannah has done for me...

I have decided to start blogging again. I used to have a Xanga in the past. This should be interesting to say the least.

I am enfatuated with the idea that someone could be reading this, maybe a governement official, maybe a member of the school board, or maybe one of my friends.

Whoever you may be, I love you for reading this.

Let me say that again

Whoever you may be,

I love you for reading this.



So let it begin.